Moosehall

Extreme Weather Warning!

2005-09-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

I would like to warn all my readers in the New Orleans, Louisiana and Mississippi area that a large hurricane, Katrina, is on the way and may make landfall as a Category 4-5 storm with catastrophic results. Keep tuned to weather broadcasts to inform yourselves of any possible danger.

Katrina, Katrina, Where Ya Been so Long Tom!

2005-09-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

There's life among the wreckage! For the calm after the storm Go read Tom Friedmans blast of hot air! Written in his wonderful "Praising Bush With Faint Damns" style, it's Tom at his hilarious best. If you're not registered, here's some of the fun:

"On the day after 9/11, I was in Jerusalem and was interviewed by Israeli TV. The reporter asked me, "Do you think the Bush administration is up to responding to this attack?" As best I can recall, I answered: "Absolutely. One thing I can assure you about these guys is that they know how to pull the trigger."

It's just too bad they didn't look to see which way the gun was aiming! And of course, Tom's still proud of helping pull that trigger. Creative destruction and all.
I'll bet he never thought Islamic Zionism would be so easy!

But there's comfort for the victims of Katrina, too. So they know they didn't die in vain, that they, yes, died for a "noble cause":

"Well, the party is over. If Mr. Bush learns the lessons of Katrina, he has a chance to replace his 9/11 mandate with something new and relevant. If that happens, Katrina will have destroyed New Orleans, but helped to restore America."

Granma's carcase may be an "alligator MRE" as Steve Gilliard says but it's all good if Bush gets a bump in the polls! And Gee, Mr Friedman, what could that "something new and relevant" be? "Something" close to martial law in a third world country. Considering what the survivors of the hurricane have to wade through, we could just call it a "turd world country" At least we'll have Mr Friedman around to polish that turd, as long as it's Bush who's shitting on us.

Here's some of that "Praising with faint damns" I mentioned:

"Well, if 9/11 is one bookend of the Bush administration, Katrina may be the other. If 9/11 put the wind at President Bush's back, Katrina's put the wind in his face. If the Bush-Cheney team seemed to be the right guys to deal with Osama, they seem exactly the wrong guys to deal with Katrina

Uh, Tom, they didn't get Osama either, he's gone with the wind. But we can pretend they were the "right guys", can't we Tom?

Along the way he explains why your taxes should be raised cause of Katrina, but not his, and leaves us with one more of those P. W. F. Damns.'s he loves:

"If Mr. Bush goes back to his politics as usual, he'll be thwarted at every turn. Katrina will have destroyed a city and a presidency."

Damn. And he was doing so well before Katrina, pulling those triggers and being the right guys to deal with Osama and all.

Go read the whole thing, if your blood pressure is as low as Katrina's barometer, otherwise you might get a severe tropical depression. But I wish Tom would dry up and blow away!

Its Kool, Like schul, it's a Tool it's...

2005-08-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

Jewschool!

This is one of the funniest sites I have ever seen on the Web. It seems to be a site for Jews who think they're white. Oh Yeah, I'm gonna be spending a lot of time there. Can't get enough of that funky stuff, especially when it's Glat Kosher!

Something to Cheer You Up!

2005-08-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a look athttp://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article10022.htm"> the future of the US

Hurricane CINDY!!!!!!!!

2005-08-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

In a stunning development which only proves how extensive is the terrorist plot to destroy America , the NOAA is refusing to name the Category 5 hurricane now bearing down on New Orleans by its appropriate appellation, that is, Hurricane Cindy!
Instead, in a spirit of petty retribution they are calling it "Katrina". Thus is a competent, if not Gold Medal, figure skater given her desserts. Give the guy with the bad breath desserts, but give this disaster the moniker it merits!
Let's not abstain from subjecting this abominable atmospheric aberration to the analysis it is so abundantly amenable to. With all the alacrity, yes the very celerity a celebrity among near-apocalyptic abrogations of something or other that begins with "A" should be allocated. Got that?
To begin with, the proximate cause of the storm is the disturbances to the ether due to the treacherous presence of "Camp Cindy" in Crawford, Texas. People in an advanced state of respiration, accompanied by frequent perspiration, results in precipitation and if food spoils in the heat, regurgitation. I mean, dang it, there's a regular Sturm und drang being dragged out, and with a little elision and some imprecision gives you a "danged storm". That much is obvious to the oblivious.
But what is the result? Apart from the slight damage to property and the coiffures of newscasters, it is an established fact a category 5 hurricane is powerful enough to remove the magnetic "support the troops" ribbons from SUVs!
Now we gaze into the abyss of aberrance which, without abeyance, affronts and afears us!
Without those yellow ribbons, the entire effort of our brave centurions may very well collapse! And when we are so close to a complete victory! I mean, can you believe it?
But by the grace of a loving and generous God, whose providence supplies a something for every something-or-other, there is a solution!
EPOXY!
Yup, go out to your Explorer, Excursion, Suburban, Durango, Escalade, what-have-you, you old have-mores, you, mix part A and part B in the proper ratio, and adhere those precious little ribbons to your bodywork in a way which is Cindy-proof! That'll show 'em!
And just think, years from now, when the Iraq war is recognized as the foundation of all our future greatness, you will have proud proof of your perennial prescience, a little piece of history, permanently affixed to the symbol of American can-do know-how you'll show them!
And as far as those phony evacuation orders, well, you know what they're worth! Nope, you'll be staying the course!

Nekkid Pitchers, and a Frank Confession.

2005-08-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

Stop me before I...

I was ready to get all snickerty-snarky about "sex-addiction", but when one's domocile is built of sodium silicates...Oh well.

If You Haven't Done Anything Wrong...Part 2

2005-08-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

Russ Baker, a famous columnist, has been pulled into interrogation rooms at airports twice.Or as he puts it , "Sheikh Ras al-Bakr"
And you know what? I'll bet he is commiting a crime by telling us about it!

Today's Household Hint

2005-08-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Here's a helpful hint that may come in handy when you are redecorating:

To remove charts of terrorist connections glued to office walls, use a steam iron. But before you get the oron hot, take a picture of the chart incase it gets ruined. Now, very gently steam the chart, starting at one corner and working down from the top. As the glue softens, gently peel the chart away from the wall. With any luck, and some patience, you should be able to remove the entire chart from the wall in one piece. You'll probably find that the chart is glued at the corners, with a few drops of glue in the center. Good Luck!

If You Haven't Done Anything Wrong...

2005-08-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

You Have Nothing to Worry About?

Bullshit! http://http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050815/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/no_fly_babies_6

A Calm Colloquy in Kentucky

2005-08-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Is this a first ?
So two fellows at adjacent booths at a "flea market" (gun show?) get to arguing over the Iraq war. The pro-war guy gets a little worked up and shoots the anti-war guy down like a dog. And now everybody is making excuses for the pro-war guy, natch. Not even arrested.
Yup, I thin' this article tells egg-ackly what happened. Eggs-ackly !

"Iraqui Deutschmarks?"

2005-08-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

First of all, Juan Cole- Informed Comment is one of my favorite sites. Prof. Cole combines a vast knowledge of the Middle East with a committed humanist outlook to write commentary. I've always gotten the feeling from everything he writes that a warm concern for people, all people, is his fundemental tenet.

Some days, when I do my morning reading, or mourning reading if you prefer, I come upon something that seems to encapsulate in a few words the terrible senselessness and waste of the Iraq debacle. This entry at Informed Comment did it today.

Here's the bit that nearly got me to toss my Alpha Bits:

It is certainly true that the Coalition Provisional Authority based its reconstruction plans in Iraq on postwar Germany. They often just had old plans in Germany translated into Iraqi terms. One CPA document, hastily done, talked of the necessity to support the value of "Iraqi deutschmarks."

For this we pay taxes? Before the war started, the State Department assembled a plan for post-war reconstruction, drawing on their knowledge of the area and the conditions. The bush bunch went bananas and threw it out, and we got the CPA. And the present mess.

2005-08-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

The lesser of two evils. No, that's not Mr. Kneivel's eponymous male issue, and it's not the guy who rents a club called "The Two Evils". It is most certainly not Mr Abbott's partner in writing musical comedies. Nope. It's the current election in Ohio And I don't mean voting on the type of electricity they will use.

Coffee and stale puns. That's what we have for breakfast arouind Moosehall.

Anna Quindlen hates our Freedoms!

2005-08-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

It is always a sad occasion when an American is seduced by the doctrines of Godless Communism. When an American abandons the commitment to the heavenly dispenserated (if dispenserated is the word I want) freedoms of the free market, when an American refuses to lube the palm of the invisible hand of the marketplace, it makes the baby Jesus soil his swaddling sheets and get all colicky and stuff. I'm talking about this article by Anna Quindlen, which advocates a pratically complete government control of the hiring process. Does Ms. Quindlen seriously think that American industry and business can compete if employers are forced to employ employees which are so seriously limited in their capacity they can contribute very little to the bottom line in our top-drawer firms? Huh? Well does she? Worst of all Ms. Quindlen is suggesting that businesses should hire people whose disabilities are not congenital, visiting upon the sons and daughters for the sins of the father, but people whose disabilities are the result of their own decisions. I haven't been so disgusted and alarmed since I discovered the box of cornflakes I poured milk over to comprise my breakfast was stale.

Blue Angels Crash caused by anonymous Blogger?

2005-07-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm trying very hard this morning not to think about Seafair, or even look east from my deck high atop the hills of Bummington. I mean, think of the consequences!
Look, I'll admit it, I don't like the Blue Angels. Oh not the individual pilots or crew involved in the airshow, of course; my station in life does not permit the knowing of any of them. I've never liked the whole idea of military airware as a source of entertainment. The first time I saw those jets streaking across the sky in close formation I thought the US was under attack from a foreign power, and for a moment felt the terror that literally millions around the globe must feel, and with much better reason, when they see fighter jets rushing towards them. And these jets were the wrong color, and without the markings I expect to see on Air Force planes. My only question was whether we were about to be bombed with conventional or nuclear bombs.

Okay, maybe I hold the Blue Angels responsible for supplying my Wife a bit of ammunition for her campaign to get me landscaping our small, hillside lot. "Well, you sure started digging fast enough when those Blue Angels jets frightened you into digging a bomb shelter under my vegetable garden. You sure as hell weren't complaining about your carpal tunnel then, were you, Mooser?" (Such is the gratitude I receive for generously rescuing that guttersnipe from her parents 14 room palazzo and her modeling career and installing her in a luxurious hut constructed of the finest refrigerator boxes available, not to mention allowing her to work double-shifts at the slaughterhouse to support me in a style to which I would like to become accustomed, without ever complaining, not once. But that's sauce for a different goose.)
Anyway, with the small-mindedness typical of liberals, I just can't take pleasure in the sights and sounds which all over the world are a precursor to death and destruction. I mean, you're out there tending the collard greens and carrots, and boom! You're collateral damage.
But since I bear the boys they send up in crates like that no ill-will, I've got to be very mindful of the extrodinary powers granted to liberals to bring down jets, cause casualties, in fact cause wholesale stratergeral and tactilical failure simply by thinking negative thoughts or, heaven forefend, trying to understand the tactics and motivations of those allied against the good'ol US of A. The shoulder fired missile of negativity is not gonna come from this nattering nabob, no sir, no!

Announcement !

2005-07-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

Anonymous sources have informed me Mooser will resume blogging in short order. According to my source, a request from the mysterious "notway" in response to a comment by Mooser was the deciding factor. Other highly placed sources have informed me that "a polite request from "notway" is like a polite request from The Godfather; it is tantamount to an order. You can flaunt it, but you'd better not flout it, or you'll end up flattened, so it's best to be phlegmatic about it, if "phlegmatic" is the word I want. "Notway" would know".

Onward and Downward!

2005-01-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

There are two little conversations which have stayed in my mind for a good thirty years now, perfect little metaphors, little signs that pointed the way.

The first took place when Ronald Reagan was running for President. I was in a union, the Bookbinders (an AFL-CIO affiliate) and my local had endorsed Reagan. I asked the Vice-President of my Local why. She replied with a little synopsis of "trickle-down" economics: "You see, if rich people have more money, than they can give us more money"
The only thing that trickled down to that union was getting broken. Seems the "rich people" used their money to figure out ways of getting rid of the union. What a surprise!

The second was more significant, seems to encapsulate everything I see around me. In a conversation with a friend, he summed up his views thus: "You hippies (huh? Let it go...) always say 'do your own thing'. So you run around with long hair and beads, smoking pot, and saying love,love,love everybody. Well, I can do my own thing, too. And my thing is being a redneck, racist, cracker, who hates everybody."

Everybody is "doing their own thing" now. But it's good sometimes to think back to the first brave Americans who, in the late Seventies and early Eighties, made the first tentative moves towards liberating themselves from the strictures which so oppressed us back then. These were the brave souls, rejecting the intolerable burdens thrust on them by an uncaring, cold society, who first demonstrated that life could best be faced with a strict adherence to the principles and rules which govern junior-high-school social life. Most of all, we must thank them for releasing America from the elitist principles of critical thinking, and in a daring move which can only be compared to the moment when the Buddhist initiate attains Satori, or the bliss of the binge drinker who vomits before passing out, the pernicious principle of decency was cast aside.

Free to be, you and me.

Talking Points Memo: Joshua Micah Marshall scores a bullseye!

2005-01-03T08:50:00.001-08:00

Talking Points Memo: by Joshua Micah Marshall goes right to the stinking heart of the Social Security scam in today's post. At the center of the post:

"...about $3 trillion of those dollars we needed to fund the 1980s and 1990s deficits we managed to borrow closer to home. We borrowed it from the Social Security (and a few other government) trust fund(s)."

"Almost the entirety of President Bush's Social Security phase-out plan comes down to a simple proposition: finding out how not to pay it back.

"Now, admittedly, this is an approach that the president is rather familiar with from his own business career at various failed energy companies. But it is, in so many words, a straight up con -- one of vast scale, and one which virtually no one in the media ever frames in just these terms."
"So why does the president figure he can get away without making good on the debt to the folks who pay Social Security taxes, who are overwhelmingly low and middle-income wage earners (since no one pays Social Security tax on investment income or wage and salary income over about $85,000 a year)?"

"Isn't it obvious? Because he thinks they're an easy mark."

There is more detail in the post, read it.

For Your Infotainment....

2004-12-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

So there I was, doing my morning perusal of at least one of the internets, and it jumped out and grabbed me. There it was as I read an article in The Daily Mail a few short paragraphs describibg the latest explosion in Iraq.

Down the page, and to the left, was the heading "Advertorials" ! Now, I try to stay as plused as the next fellow, but for a minute there, I definitely lost my plus, in fact it wouldn't be going to far to say I was non-plused. "Advertorials", indeed!

I got my plus back in a few minutes, only to marvel at the implications of that clever compound. "Advertorial", of course, is a aggregate of "advertisement" and "editorial"! And what a wealth of possibilities is thereby spread before us, like stout Cortez upon a hill in Darien, or something. Heretofore, in those darkened and dreary days now banished by this ingenious melding, the editor could only express his opinion and, if he was the daring sort, try to marshall a few facts to his side. Now, in addition to the opinions put before his public, he will have no trouble telling them exactly what to purchase in support of his position! And, given the pandemonious nature of the "facts" used to bolster "torial" half of this equasion, the same leeway can be admitted to the "advert" side without any problems. Here's a sample.

The title of our advertorial will be: "Our Duties in the Worldwide War on Terror"
In September of 2001 a group of terrorists proved that any time a group of terrorists desires to take over four airplanes and crash them into buildings, we must let them. It is obvious that if people employed to prevent such things had simply done their jobs, this tragedy would have been nipped in the bud. Your buds, on the other hand can be nipped quite easily with a pair of Clip-em budcutters, available at your local lawn and garden store. These are the bud-cutters so strong, they are guaranteed to cut through the blade or body of any box-knife extant. While the US was equipped with terroists watchlists, agents who reported on members of the terrorist group, fighter planes which should have been in the air, no Clip-em budcutters were supplied to airport security. Would you want your family to be similarly handicapped in such an event? The success of these (or those) terrorists must lead us to conclude that similar groups are active in every city, every town, and will strike at least on a weekly basis. By purchasing a complete set of Find-em maps, available at all local mapsellers, you will know the precise location of each of those towns and cities. Can you do less, or at least, not as much, or failing that, something, maybe? And having done so, and so done, would you deny your family, your country, the chance to tremble in craven fear while seated on comfortable lawn furniture? Any staunch defender of freedom will be sure to have a complete set of Sit-and-Set lawn furniture on his patio, purchasable at all major department and specialty goods emporiums, and made expressly for turning on side and use as a redoubt from which fire can be returned. No, fellow citizens, we must not allow chimeras such as facts, history, and the like to deflect us from our allotted stance of craven fear interspersed with blind aggression. And what better serves such a mixture than mixed drinks, served in beautiful Drink-em crystal glasses? The over-consumption of alcohol, topped off with a liberal helping of prescription drugs, will be the diet of heroes, and heroes are what we need...

I'm barely scratching the surface here. But the advertorial is, for sure, the wave of the future.

Jurist Prudence

2004-12-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

I blogged earlier (Nov. 16) that my wife, Patty (the Moosette) was selected for Jury Duty at the Kitsap County Court. First, she attended several sessions, during which jurors were selected from the pool of potential jurors. She was selected. Then came the trial. (Now that it's over, all can be told!)
The case was one of medical malpractice. A man and his wife were suing their psychiatrist, for negligence, and demanding repayment of medical bills and damages. Seems that... wait... it goes like this:
The plaintiff, an engineer in his thirties, had a mental breakdown and made a suicide attempt. He walked into Puget Sound and tried to drown. (He was dissuaded by a passing duck, who told him to get out of the water. Remember, he was having a psychotic episode) He ended up in the hospital, and after release, was advised to stay under psychiatric care, and medication. So he engaged the shrink, who was responsible for his medication, and was supposed to go to a therapist, too, and join a support group. So, life went on, and his medications were adjusted, or one was discontinued and another started, and so on.
But sadly, after about six months he had another episode, which seemed to be a combination of extreme depression, paranoiaand psychosis. The onset was rapid, a matter of days, and neither he, nor his wife (who called the Dr. when she noticed) nor the doctor really appreciated how bad the poor guy was getting.
He took himself out to the beach and using a stethoscope to locate his heart, fell on a dagger, three times. He didn't die, but he did himself lots of injury, puncturing a lung, stabbing a piece of his heart, puncturing his spleen (they took it out) and nearly bled to death. Again, he survived, but it was a near thing. Lots of surgery.
So that, more or less, is the story my wife heard, over the course of three days of testimony. (Again, I want to say she only told me this after her jurist duties were ended, as she was instructed. But that didn't keep her from coming home each night and saying "Oh, have I got a story I can't tell you!")
What it came down to, is: was the doctor negligent in his care? Did he reduce, increase, or stop medications correctly? Did he not act quickly enough(by immediately having the patient come in to see him or go to a hospital) when the wife called him to report her husbands troubling new symptoms?
Of course, there was big-time expert testimony, from plaintiff and defendant's witnesses. Distinguished scholar-doctor-author-teacher kind of guys. And there was factors, factors. Here's a few: The doctor seemed to take very inadequate, sketchy notes. The patient did not follow his treatment plan completely, and engage a therapist and attend a support group, in addition to taking medication, as his treatment plan ordered. The doctor may have compromised, to save the couple money, by treating them on a two-fer basis (The wife is bi-polar). The patients paranoia, which might have been connected to his depression, might have made him less than forthcoming about his psychosis.
All this, and much, much more, Patty listened to carefully each day, taking notes, considering the judge's instructions, really trying to do her job as a juror, not just pre-judging on the basis of prejudices (Lousy rip-off shrinks, frivolous lawsuits, sympathy for a mangled guy and his distraught wife, what her know-it-all husband said on the basis of the truncated summary of each day's testimony, stuff like that).
Finally, after 9 days, both plaintiff and defendant had presented their cases, examined and cross examined witnesses, and the jury had been instructed in the law by the judge.
Now it was time, time for deliberation, time for the jury to decide if there was negligence, and if so, how much moolah should be awarded. A jury foreman would be picked, and the jury would retire, not even leaving for lunch, to bring this magnificent drama of American jurisprudence to its conclusion. (Which would probably go right to an appeal)
She came home exhausted every night, with a headache from being trapped indoors, and concentrating intently. This was serious stuff, and she took it seriously.
And through it all, all 14 jurors... wha?, all 14? Yup, all 14. 12 jurors and 2 alternates. Since nothing had happened to knock any juror out of the box, they were still two jurors long. Time to draw straws!
And Patty drew short straw, right off, and was excused from the deliberation. Bye-bye Jurist Prudence!
She got $13.00 from the pool, (Gotta liven up the elimination of alternates somehow)and should receive a check for $10.00 a day from the county. She returned to work next day and was grumbled at for discharging her civic obligations. And if she doesn't go down to the courthouse and try to check the records, (it should be a public record, right?) she'll never know how the whole imbroglio came out.
I ask you, is that Justice? We oughta sue!

I Won't Dance, Don't Ask Me !

2004-11-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

Naomi Klein, who wrote a series of excellent articles on the Coalition Provisional Authourity and other subjects related to the invasion, had somthing sort of wierd in an article in the Guardian today. Maybe some among the fanatic hordes comprising the denizens of Moosehall could clear this up for me?
The subject of her article is the photo, rapidly gaining iconic status, (or as you might say, quickly acquiring the status of an icon. Or, conversely, you might not.)of a US soldier having an after-battle smoke. The photo could be an attempt to portray US soldiers as blood-stained, dirty, cigarette fiends. As part, don't you know, of a liberal plot to make war seem icky and thus uncool, if indeed things icky and uncool (implied italics here) are considered icky and uncool by those in the recruiter's demographics. I wouldn't know.
Be that as is may be, and for all I know it may indeed be, maybe, as it were, that is not what compelled my post. No indeed. Indeed, no. Instead what, or what instead caused the ineffable frisson (if indeed a frisson may be with any degree of accuracy or honesty called ineffable)which drives otherwise complacent men (or in this case, me)to the extremity of a new blog post is her use of an old anecdote which I have heard many times before:

"It reminds me of the joke about the Hassidic rabbi who says all sexual positions are acceptable except for one: standing up "because that could lead to dancing".

A joke "about the Hasidic rabbi"? I've only heard this as an anecdote (she calls it a "joke", but that particular obfuscation will remain undeconstructed, more out of a desire to avoid inflaming the sensitivities of the sensitive, than anything else) about a "Baptist minister". Never have I heard this, or any other bon mot or mot juste refering to a prohibition on dancing in reference to the Hasidim.

And so I appeal to you, dear reader, even unto the Antipodean auscultators of this eponymous epistle: What kind of shit is this; Hasidim don't dance? I thought Hasids (I prefer the spelling Chasid) were regular Dreidals. I thought Chasidim danced like crazy!

Can anyone shed some light on this?

Duty Calls

2004-11-16T17:47:00.000-08:00

My wife is claiming she has been selected for Jury Duty! More than that she is forbidden to divulge. The entire kugel is redolent of judicial mystery, legal hijinks and reformed torts. This, like so much else, is an outrage. I can barely stand it. No, it's more than any reasonable man can be expected to bear. I won't be still, I will be heard! I will follow her and find out what she is really doing each day.

The Membership Society

2004-10-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's time for Americans to step up to the plate and shoot a threepointer which leads to a touchdown! It's time to make America a Membership Society! Here's what I'm talking about. And fellow potential citizens, you will have to agree that what I AM talking about is in line with Biblical prophecy, basic economics, common sense and Wise Use. No longer can we tolerate the intolerable, the hey-nonny-nonny and a ha-cha-cha slipshod, ramshackle Jerry-built, Ruby Keeler Goldberg way things have been done in this sun-drenched, rain-washed, frost-bitten, snow-blind, sun-burned land of ours!
No doubt, you were taught the immortal words to an immoral song, written by that insidious outsider, a man who would turn things inside-out, a man who would have us wear our underwear ON THE OUTSIDE OF OUR CLOTHES(!), Woodie Guthrie. The words that go: This land is your land. But that is false, not true, wrong, not correct.
The words should be: This land is YORE land! See the difference? Of course you do! You didn't go to church every week, listen to the Pasteur line out the words to hymms, refrain from touching yourself, and save your precious virginity or virility and vitality for the one you married just to see every kind of blackamoor, halfcaste, pickaninny, quadroon, octaroon, minaret, martinet and clarinet playing sheeny take a shine to that wonderful little slut that Daddy's little girl put out for anyone to see? DID you? No, you didn't!
Let's make America a Membership Society! Every American should pay a fee to be placed on the rolls way up yonder. And those who can't afford, can't be on board! Oh, sure, we could have a sliding scale, pay less, get less. My only question, which you must answer is: What should the fee be? It can't be free. So let's hear it Moosehallians, How much should we pay to belong to America? Should it be a yearly or one-time fee? Let me know!
But one thing for sure: By making citizenship expensive, once again being an American will be worth something.

Moosehall Can Help the Cheneys

2004-10-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Why should you suffer the embarrasment and chagrin of having a child devoted to the illicit pleasures and selfish hedonism of the love that dare not speak its name? Huh? Why should you? Now, just because you wrote a book which features Lebanese love scenes, does that mean your kids, the fruit of you loom, should loom up in front of you, warp and woof, warped and woofing? Remember, Nogaydon, the new vaccine from Moosehall Pharmaceuticals (Derived from the pure, natural, Lead and Mercury your body needs) can prevent Gayness in children. Our Motto: One little shot, and Gay is not!

I had a dream

2004-10-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night. A bad dream, in fact, a nightmare. And, as nightmares will do, it terrified me. I awoke, terrified. A victim of terror. A terror victim. I had been terrorised.
Oh, it went away in a few minutes. But it changed my life. Because after the terror subsided, I got angry. "What right does that dream have to frighten me?" I thought. "None at all" I answered myself.
Continueing to think, but without quotation marks, I thought this: I will not be terrorised. I will not! And then I understood; the understanding flooded my soul with light as if, well, as if the light had just been turned on, which, in fact it had. I was now a soldier in the war on terror! I had been frightened, terrorised by a dream, and by waking up I had destroyed that dream and I won a battle against terror!
But only one battle in a war. That's not enough.
Tomorrow, I will gain a decisive victory over terror. Here's how:
Tomorrow night, I will take my shotgun, (which is one of those short barrelled, pump loading affairs with a prosiac resin stock and a pistol grip, holds 7 cartridges) to bed with me, and I will sit up all night and when that dream comes to scare me again I will be ready and fill that son-of-a-bitch nightmare with buckshot! I'll be ready. I'll drink black coffee and take uppers and when that dream comes I'll blast it!
And after I win my war on terror, I won't be satisfied with any half-assed truce or stalemate. I will wage war on fright. And then I will wage war on uncertainty, anxiety, and indecision.

Lies! Lies! Lies!

2004-10-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

"Questions of responsibility" is an article. What is an article? An article is an A, an R, a T,an I, a C, an L and an E. No one can deny that. But contained within this "article", this article of an "article", are the letters"L" and "I" and "E", and that spell LIE. In addition, by subtracting, one also finds the letters "T", "R", "I", "A", and finally "L". And that spells "trial". No matter what anyone says, the letters spell the same thing whether they are capital or lower-case. So it is obvious: when one puts this "article" on "trial", it is a "lie"! And when I say this, I am adamant! And when I say "adamant" I mean, well,... you know: adamant!

It does no good to say that the facts (and in an act of almost unbecoming mercy, I won't put quotation marks around the word "facts") are all correct, and these facts have been the same facts I have read in so many other "articles" (my patience is not infinite) and in fact, most of the events have taken place during my lifetime, and even if hidden or obscured to some degree have been exposed, and all of these facts (I'm so nice) form a narrative which is consistent. No, it does no good! None! When the great Jewish scholar Mooses Miamombomommades said: "Az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde!" (If my grandmother had testicles, she would be my grandfather!) his brightest stundent, Michel-Micham-Pim-Shemya (who was destined for both future greatness and a sad end rouging and polishing the backs of beetles in a traveling crafts carnival on the outskirts of Crakow) Immediately responded: "Az mir vill schlugen a hunt, gifintmin a schtecken" (If one wants to beat a dog, one finds a stick!) So let us now turn to the "real" "facts". Read the "article", and read these "facts", and the answer will be obvious, if you are not a damned anti-semite who bayonets Jewish babies and kicks Jewish grandmothers in the kishkas before burning down thier houses and stealing everything they posses!

At the time of the Roman conquest of Judea, when the Jewish people were groaning under the Roman sandal, an extrodinary person appeared. Known to some as the "Son of Man" and others as the "Manly Son", he was an extrodinary man, but he was crucified by the palestinians. Later on, the Dark Ages in Europe was a result of the terrroristic actions of Hamas, Hizbollah, and the Palestinian militants. moving right along, the palestinians brought slavery to the New World, causing the Civil War. After their machinations ("machinations) caused World War I, in a final spate of badness bidness the Palestinians caused the death of 6 million Jews in a terriblr episode called the Hamacaust, or the Hizbollahcaust. Finally, recognising the injustice done to the Jews, and swayed by the cloying sweetness of "Fiddler on the Roof", International Institutions gave an inexplicably deserted piece of land to the Jews, who had lived there from time immemorial. Of course as soon as the Jews got it, the Palestinians (now watch this, this is the coup de grace the denoument the proof) the "palestinians" (Hah!) wanted it, and made a deal with Hitler to kill 6 million Jews. And this proves the ineluctable, ineffable, insubstantial, hypothesis: What good is a religion if it doesn't get you something? So ipso facto Judaism's whole raison d'etre is the "Zionist impulse" Listen to the heartrendering strains of the old Jewish folk song:

You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out,
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about!
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself about!
And that's what it's all about.