Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hurricane CINDY!!!!!!!!

In a stunning development which only proves how extensive is the terrorist plot to destroy America , the NOAA is refusing to name the Category 5 hurricane now bearing down on New Orleans by its appropriate appellation, that is, Hurricane Cindy!
Instead, in a spirit of petty retribution they are calling it "Katrina". Thus is a competent, if not Gold Medal, figure skater given her desserts. Give the guy with the bad breath desserts, but give this disaster the moniker it merits!
Let's not abstain from subjecting this abominable atmospheric aberration to the analysis it is so abundantly amenable to. With all the alacrity, yes the very celerity a celebrity among near-apocalyptic abrogations of something or other that begins with "A" should be allocated. Got that?
To begin with, the proximate cause of the storm is the disturbances to the ether due to the treacherous presence of "Camp Cindy" in Crawford, Texas. People in an advanced state of respiration, accompanied by frequent perspiration, results in precipitation and if food spoils in the heat, regurgitation. I mean, dang it, there's a regular Sturm und drang being dragged out, and with a little elision and some imprecision gives you a "danged storm". That much is obvious to the oblivious.
But what is the result? Apart from the slight damage to property and the coiffures of newscasters, it is an established fact a category 5 hurricane is powerful enough to remove the magnetic "support the troops" ribbons from SUVs!
Now we gaze into the abyss of aberrance which, without abeyance, affronts and afears us!
Without those yellow ribbons, the entire effort of our brave centurions may very well collapse! And when we are so close to a complete victory! I mean, can you believe it?
But by the grace of a loving and generous God, whose providence supplies a something for every something-or-other, there is a solution!
EPOXY!
Yup, go out to your Explorer, Excursion, Suburban, Durango, Escalade, what-have-you, you old have-mores, you, mix part A and part B in the proper ratio, and adhere those precious little ribbons to your bodywork in a way which is Cindy-proof! That'll show 'em!
And just think, years from now, when the Iraq war is recognized as the foundation of all our future greatness, you will have proud proof of your perennial prescience, a little piece of history, permanently affixed to the symbol of American can-do know-how you'll show them!
And as far as those phony evacuation orders, well, you know what they're worth! Nope, you'll be staying the course!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be prepared for the next hurricane katrina volunteer or find another one that's similar. As the Boy Scouts say: "Be Prepared"!

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