Tuesday, December 21, 2004

For Your Infotainment....

So there I was, doing my morning perusal of at least one of the internets, and it jumped out and grabbed me. There it was as I read an article in The Daily Mail a few short paragraphs describibg the latest explosion in Iraq.

Down the page, and to the left, was the heading "Advertorials" ! Now, I try to stay as plused as the next fellow, but for a minute there, I definitely lost my plus, in fact it wouldn't be going to far to say I was non-plused. "Advertorials", indeed!

I got my plus back in a few minutes, only to marvel at the implications of that clever compound. "Advertorial", of course, is a aggregate of "advertisement" and "editorial"! And what a wealth of possibilities is thereby spread before us, like stout Cortez upon a hill in Darien, or something. Heretofore, in those darkened and dreary days now banished by this ingenious melding, the editor could only express his opinion and, if he was the daring sort, try to marshall a few facts to his side. Now, in addition to the opinions put before his public, he will have no trouble telling them exactly what to purchase in support of his position! And, given the pandemonious nature of the "facts" used to bolster "torial" half of this equasion, the same leeway can be admitted to the "advert" side without any problems. Here's a sample.

The title of our advertorial will be: "Our Duties in the Worldwide War on Terror"
In September of 2001 a group of terrorists proved that any time a group of terrorists desires to take over four airplanes and crash them into buildings, we must let them. It is obvious that if people employed to prevent such things had simply done their jobs, this tragedy would have been nipped in the bud. Your buds, on the other hand can be nipped quite easily with a pair of Clip-em budcutters, available at your local lawn and garden store. These are the bud-cutters so strong, they are guaranteed to cut through the blade or body of any box-knife extant. While the US was equipped with terroists watchlists, agents who reported on members of the terrorist group, fighter planes which should have been in the air, no Clip-em budcutters were supplied to airport security. Would you want your family to be similarly handicapped in such an event? The success of these (or those) terrorists must lead us to conclude that similar groups are active in every city, every town, and will strike at least on a weekly basis. By purchasing a complete set of Find-em maps, available at all local mapsellers, you will know the precise location of each of those towns and cities. Can you do less, or at least, not as much, or failing that, something, maybe? And having done so, and so done, would you deny your family, your country, the chance to tremble in craven fear while seated on comfortable lawn furniture? Any staunch defender of freedom will be sure to have a complete set of Sit-and-Set lawn furniture on his patio, purchasable at all major department and specialty goods emporiums, and made expressly for turning on side and use as a redoubt from which fire can be returned. No, fellow citizens, we must not allow chimeras such as facts, history, and the like to deflect us from our allotted stance of craven fear interspersed with blind aggression. And what better serves such a mixture than mixed drinks, served in beautiful Drink-em crystal glasses? The over-consumption of alcohol, topped off with a liberal helping of prescription drugs, will be the diet of heroes, and heroes are what we need...

I'm barely scratching the surface here. But the advertorial is, for sure, the wave of the future.

4 Comments:

Blogger Levi9909 said...

Hiya Mooser. Nothing to comment except I've just flown in from the link, yes link on anti-Zionist notes.

December 26, 2004 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger josh narins said...

I'm trying to remember if this is the same Moose that I had an exchange with, so many moons ago.

January 19, 2005 at 8:08 PM  
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