Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The Membership Society

It's time for Americans to step up to the plate and shoot a threepointer which leads to a touchdown! It's time to make America a Membership Society! Here's what I'm talking about. And fellow potential citizens, you will have to agree that what I AM talking about is in line with Biblical prophecy, basic economics, common sense and Wise Use. No longer can we tolerate the intolerable, the hey-nonny-nonny and a ha-cha-cha slipshod, ramshackle Jerry-built, Ruby Keeler Goldberg way things have been done in this sun-drenched, rain-washed, frost-bitten, snow-blind, sun-burned land of ours!
No doubt, you were taught the immortal words to an immoral song, written by that insidious outsider, a man who would turn things inside-out, a man who would have us wear our underwear ON THE OUTSIDE OF OUR CLOTHES(!), Woodie Guthrie. The words that go: This land is your land. But that is false, not true, wrong, not correct.
The words should be: This land is YORE land! See the difference? Of course you do! You didn't go to church every week, listen to the Pasteur line out the words to hymms, refrain from touching yourself, and save your precious virginity or virility and vitality for the one you married just to see every kind of blackamoor, halfcaste, pickaninny, quadroon, octaroon, minaret, martinet and clarinet playing sheeny take a shine to that wonderful little slut that Daddy's little girl put out for anyone to see? DID you? No, you didn't!
Let's make America a Membership Society! Every American should pay a fee to be placed on the rolls way up yonder. And those who can't afford, can't be on board! Oh, sure, we could have a sliding scale, pay less, get less. My only question, which you must answer is: What should the fee be? It can't be free. So let's hear it Moosehallians, How much should we pay to belong to America? Should it be a yearly or one-time fee? Let me know!
But one thing for sure: By making citizenship expensive, once again being an American will be worth something.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Moosehall Can Help the Cheneys

Why should you suffer the embarrasment and chagrin of having a child devoted to the illicit pleasures and selfish hedonism of the love that dare not speak its name? Huh? Why should you? Now, just because you wrote a book which features Lebanese love scenes, does that mean your kids, the fruit of you loom, should loom up in front of you, warp and woof, warped and woofing? Remember, Nogaydon, the new vaccine from Moosehall Pharmaceuticals (Derived from the pure, natural, Lead and Mercury your body needs) can prevent Gayness in children. Our Motto: One little shot, and Gay is not!

I had a dream

I had a dream last night. A bad dream, in fact, a nightmare. And, as nightmares will do, it terrified me. I awoke, terrified. A victim of terror. A terror victim. I had been terrorised.
Oh, it went away in a few minutes. But it changed my life. Because after the terror subsided, I got angry. "What right does that dream have to frighten me?" I thought. "None at all" I answered myself.
Continueing to think, but without quotation marks, I thought this: I will not be terrorised. I will not! And then I understood; the understanding flooded my soul with light as if, well, as if the light had just been turned on, which, in fact it had. I was now a soldier in the war on terror! I had been frightened, terrorised by a dream, and by waking up I had destroyed that dream and I won a battle against terror!
But only one battle in a war. That's not enough.
Tomorrow, I will gain a decisive victory over terror. Here's how:
Tomorrow night, I will take my shotgun, (which is one of those short barrelled, pump loading affairs with a prosiac resin stock and a pistol grip, holds 7 cartridges) to bed with me, and I will sit up all night and when that dream comes to scare me again I will be ready and fill that son-of-a-bitch nightmare with buckshot! I'll be ready. I'll drink black coffee and take uppers and when that dream comes I'll blast it!
And after I win my war on terror, I won't be satisfied with any half-assed truce or stalemate. I will wage war on fright. And then I will wage war on uncertainty, anxiety, and indecision.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Lies! Lies! Lies!

"Questions of responsibility" is an article. What is an article? An article is an A, an R, a T,an I, a C, an L and an E. No one can deny that. But contained within this "article", this article of an "article", are the letters"L" and "I" and "E", and that spell LIE. In addition, by subtracting, one also finds the letters "T", "R", "I", "A", and finally "L". And that spells "trial". No matter what anyone says, the letters spell the same thing whether they are capital or lower-case. So it is obvious: when one puts this "article" on "trial", it is a "lie"! And when I say this, I am adamant! And when I say "adamant" I mean, well,... you know: adamant!

It does no good to say that the facts (and in an act of almost unbecoming mercy, I won't put quotation marks around the word "facts") are all correct, and these facts have been the same facts I have read in so many other "articles" (my patience is not infinite) and in fact, most of the events have taken place during my lifetime, and even if hidden or obscured to some degree have been exposed, and all of these facts (I'm so nice) form a narrative which is consistent. No, it does no good! None! When the great Jewish scholar Mooses Miamombomommades said: "Az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde!" (If my grandmother had testicles, she would be my grandfather!) his brightest stundent, Michel-Micham-Pim-Shemya (who was destined for both future greatness and a sad end rouging and polishing the backs of beetles in a traveling crafts carnival on the outskirts of Crakow) Immediately responded: "Az mir vill schlugen a hunt, gifintmin a schtecken" (If one wants to beat a dog, one finds a stick!) So let us now turn to the "real" "facts". Read the "article", and read these "facts", and the answer will be obvious, if you are not a damned anti-semite who bayonets Jewish babies and kicks Jewish grandmothers in the kishkas before burning down thier houses and stealing everything they posses!

At the time of the Roman conquest of Judea, when the Jewish people were groaning under the Roman sandal, an extrodinary person appeared. Known to some as the "Son of Man" and others as the "Manly Son", he was an extrodinary man, but he was crucified by the palestinians. Later on, the Dark Ages in Europe was a result of the terrroristic actions of Hamas, Hizbollah, and the Palestinian militants. moving right along, the palestinians brought slavery to the New World, causing the Civil War. After their machinations ("machinations) caused World War I, in a final spate of badness bidness the Palestinians caused the death of 6 million Jews in a terriblr episode called the Hamacaust, or the Hizbollahcaust. Finally, recognising the injustice done to the Jews, and swayed by the cloying sweetness of "Fiddler on the Roof", International Institutions gave an inexplicably deserted piece of land to the Jews, who had lived there from time immemorial. Of course as soon as the Jews got it, the Palestinians (now watch this, this is the coup de grace the denoument the proof) the "palestinians" (Hah!) wanted it, and made a deal with Hitler to kill 6 million Jews. And this proves the ineluctable, ineffable, insubstantial, hypothesis: What good is a religion if it doesn't get you something? So ipso facto Judaism's whole raison d'etre is the "Zionist impulse" Listen to the heartrendering strains of the old Jewish folk song:

You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out,
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about!
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself about!
And that's what it's all about.

No ! I don't believe it!

An article from the Guardian which you may read by clicking here posits that perhaps Al Queada, and the legions of Islamic terrorists plotting even as I write to take over the world, destroy our way of life, cancel the Olympics, the Miss America Paegent, the World Series, the Superbowl, the major AKC dog and cat shows, Little League, the World Soccer Cup, Wimbledon, the Masters golf tournament, abolish the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts, the Brownies, 4H, the Future Farmers of America (among many other things), destroy SUV's with IED's, make the Baby Jesus cry, forbid the production of almost all movies, TV shows, and stage plays, and restrict Americans to a diet of Hoummus and humility, and Gosh I can't even think of all the evil, nasty, mean, sadistic, wrong, dastardly, villianous, they wanna do, may not be as omnipotent, well organised, omnipresent, powerful and and and,,,,, and Reset, Reset, Restset Tilt tillittlitsertrs.

Sorry, I just get all worked up when I think about them awful tarrists a'comin' t kill pillage rape and modify ar wimmins with their "teeth like little rounded pillows" as Lynne Cheney said in her Novel "Sisters". Yuss, I jes get all riled up !

Thursday, October 14, 2004

A Horrible Injustice!

An injustice of historic proportions has come to my attention, and has affected me deeply. Once exposed to the startling cruelties and crimes herein to be described, I can no longer go on my way, complacent and contented, but am compelled (compelled, I tell you) to spend the remaining strands of my mortal coil (a sort of an existential Slinky) in a campaign, neigh neighbors, a battle, to bring relief to my suffering co-religionists.
Here are the facts:
Since the days of the old testament, Jews have lived in the State of Israel. Throughout the centuries the small but enterprising state has occupied an area stretching from the the Tigris to the Euphrates. While these simple religious people have engaged in mostly pastoral pursuits starting in the 16th century manufacturing has become an important component of their economy. I will not bore you with the story of the constant progress, the benefits and the general excellence of this Jewish Homeland, all those things are well known However, in about 1947 all this changed.
Starting with small incursions and the demand for tribute which soon expanded into outright extortion the kingdoms and despotic fiefdoms which make up the bulk of Israels neighbors began a campaign of extermanation against these wonderful people. By the year 2003, Israel had been reduced to a tiny sliver of land, denied access to natural resources and in danger of being wiped off the surface of the earth!
It is up to us to stop this tragedy!

The Anguish While They Languish, Which We can Help Vanquish

"The Six Million Dollar Man" a TV Serial show about the adventures of a policeman who has had his limbs and part of his brain replaced by vastly improved components, so as to fight der crimey type stuff in a half hour or less, is available on DVD. Don't you know someone for who this would be like a really cool gift and their spirits would be lifted and hope would become their plan, if they had the complete set? I bet you do.
But do you order this person, who he has been cruelly overtaken by a tragical fate, which wasn't their fault, a nice box set and maybe you could pack in a Keilbasa or maybe a little chocalate and a couple bags of dope and send it off to them which you could do with one click of the rat? No, in the plain language which made this country the famous country which it is, being plainspoken and all, you sit on your tuffet, enjoying a buffet, your mouth you will stuff it and abandon the Kurds? No whey! That's what's wrong with this country! First you say you will, and than you won't. Then you say why not, but then you don't. You're undecided now, so what are you gonna do?
Now is the hour of our disk content. Whip inflation now! Elastic elation and broken concentration. And you can't wait to get back to your unit!.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Essential Nutrients

Blogger ate my post!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Gratifying Progress. (A Progress Retort)

Nothing is so gratifying as noting the progression of my degeneration. First, as I mentioned in an earlier post, my nervous breakdown coupled with a general deterioration of my mind. My vocabulary is becoming more and more limited, I am less able to concentrate, and my thought process has become progressively more infantile. My writing skills, while never exceptional, were at one time pretty good. At this time, I have trouble completeing a sentence, and the ability to sustain literary composition over, say, the length of a short essay is only a distant memory. And my memory is shot. I can't hold on to anything for more than a couple hours.
My physical disintergration is what I'm really proud of ! My teeth are rotting, I have several loose, and I can be pretty sure all my choppers will be gone in less than a year. My muscles, all over my body have atrophied to the point that my arms and legs look like sticks. Related to that, I'm sure, are the spasms and cramps I experience with any extension of my arms, hands, or legs. My heart and circulatory system have degenerated to a point which puts me right on the edge of a heart attack or stroke with any exertion. My lungs, of course, are a black joke. A one block walk will leave me soaked with persperation, winded, and unable to continue. Jogging, let alone running, is out of the question! My eyesight and hearing both have become less, especially my eyesight. I can no longer read normal size (12 pt.) type, and I am just about blind in dim light.
There is a lump, with some pain, in the area of my prostate, which is the beginning of cancer.
I am unalterably opposed to any medical treatments. If a doctor comes within my grasp, I will strike or stab at them. I will gladly, gladly go to my grave before I give a quacker, a croaker one penny.
I'm pretty sure the way I am going I will be done with this entire degradin process within 2 years.

A Guide to the Perplexed

Some confusion has arisen concerning the material presented on Moosehall. To avoid contusion, here is an explanation which should help those to obtuse to see the obvious:

All the material in the posts on the front page is plagiarised from one or two sources. None of it is original. From a legal, or for that matter an ethical or moral standpoint the material is stolen.
All of the comments are written by me, and are original. All of the colors in this Blog are the opposite of the colors that appear.

All of the photos used in this Blog are designed for easy viewing and corrosive effect.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Spoiling the Child

There is nothing so sad as families who waste a good chance to "train their children up in the way they should go". If a child is not shown the right things to do, if a child doesn't learn the right things to say, much damage, damage which may be impossible to correct later in life, can be done. While there are many families teaching their children the right things, I am disheartened when I see a child without the guidance and examples they need to make a difference in the world.
It's never too early to begin! The first, essential and basic lesson every American child needs is one concerning the proper ways to interact with others, and the best way to teach this is by example. The relations between a child's parents will set the pattern for his relations to others. When a boy watches his father, he should see the pattern for his future behavior. A man who is never pleased, who glares ferociously at his wife, and most important of all, is capable of sudden violent outbursts, provides an example for a boy to emulate. While the refinements of sadism and visciousness can be inculcated later, a child, especially a boy, should learn early that any restraint of temper, any forbearance of the violent impulse, is a sin with grave consequences. When a boy sees his mother trembling, with fresh bruises each morning, he learns the basic, the essential principles of opression which will serve him throughout his life. Do not neglect your chances to ingrain this important principle in your sons, my fellow Americans!
As for our precious daughters, the future homemakers, wives, mothers, and divorcees who will do so much to make the future what it will be, the mixture of craven obsequiousness, and minipulative cruelty so necessary to a sucessful marriage is a subtle and difficult role to acquire, and little girls need every help in mastering this complicated part. Since I am not a woman, I can only pray that God will help today's Mothers impart to their little girls the important skills they must have. I do know that an early reliance on perscription drugs and alcohol will help a girl through adolescence, and ease her into a pure and unsullied womanhood. And it is up to the Mothers of our generation to help their little girls in this respect. The father has a role to play here, too. It is up to him to plant the seeds of self-worthlessness which will mean so much in the future.
Parents need a way to measure their childrens growth towards adulthood. A good measure of a childs progress can be seen in their enthusiasm for killing or maiming animals. By the time a child is three to four years old, it is not to much to expect that beyond simply killing insects or small animals, the more precocious will be exploring ways to inflict pain on the little creatures before dispatching them. Once a child learns to regard the lives of animals as worthless, and to enjoy killing them, they are well on their way to growing into a true lack of empathy, and disregard for the lives of their fellow human beings. Raising children is a challenge, it's "hard work" as the greatest of American Presidents has said, but the inward satisfaction to be gained from knowing that by your efforts, another bully, sadist, or even full fledged sociopath has been added to God's shining city should encourage us to do our best, to give forth with our utmost. God Bless You, and please, let me hear from you parents so we can encourage each other in our quest to raise a generation of human beings fully devoid of felling for anybody weaker than themselves. I will close in the words of the Old Testament writer, who said (Latherchamos 3:42) And we shall raise them with blows and curses, and verily our seed will say: It is every man for himself, and God against all.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Organ Harvest Caused Death

Finally,( http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=ap/organ_harvest_death ) they caught them at it. It happens all the time. I wear chain mail pajamas and lock myself to a steel post set in a huge chunk of concrete, so I don't wake up without a kidney or lung. Of, course, it's nice to know that when I get low on funds, I'll still have some Bodily Assets. Are we no more than the sum of our parts? E-bay here we come!

Americans who are properly educated know how to avoid degenerative diseases. Why end up in the hospital, hoping for a bargain price organ that you need, when degeneration and illness can be prevented by simply drinking a quart of fresh blood each day? By fresh, of course, I mean the blood must come directly from the arteries (don't accept any of that low-grade veinous stuff) of a live youth. And the health benefits of eating the heart or brains from a live baby are fantastic. Why, it's almost a fountain of youth.
As for me, I find the whole idea disgusting, I almost can't stand the fact that animals are killed to feed me, I'll die gladly before I harm another person. But I am perfectly cognisant that my ideas would be considered "quaint" by the leading thinkers of the day. I am ashamed to admit it, but I can't consider my own life more precious than any other persons. Don't worry, I keep such ideas to myself. Slicing open a persons chest and eating the organs before they are dead is a diffucult skill to aquire, and I wouldn't want to do anything which might interfere with your childrens training, so I keep my mouth shut.

Once again, all at once.

Nothing seems to dissaude some people. As the bearded guy in the Charles White sketch said: You can dissuade some of the people some of the time but Kum ich nisht heint, kum ich morgen. Well, it seems that no matter what I say (Feh, like anybody listens to me ) people have been coming to Moosehall and absconding with little things, things of no value to anyone but me, but valuable nonetheless. First it was an old girlfriend, from 30 years ago, dressed in a beautiful silk dress, gold-silver sort of a color, with light green designs. She had a net over her hair, which was piled on top of her head, with paper parasols (well, one paper parasol) fetchingly, coquettishly, perched on top. She was kind, almost seductive, but aloof. And there have been others. Never get up early, you can't trust the morning fog we have here. A more efficient medium for ectoplasm there ain't.
But they come, if not today, then tomorrow. Deriding me (and others, my friend) from their De Loreans, sneeringly snide, but with gentle minions and many onions. Yes, they come, and little things disappear. Oh, they took the money long ago, there's no use in talking about it. But now a pen, or a bag (a small bag) of finish nails, and then the cuts on my arms and belly. Small wounds, but what is the powder they sprinkle around the incisions? And the replication and replacement of substances, what of that? You don't know, and I wouldn't try to explain it to you. Twine, mucilage, horsehair, wool, (if only...) jute, pulp, tar, many bits of this and that. Will it melt or burn? If it burns, is it advisable to breath deeply of the smoke? Would you know? Would you know anyone who knows?
So at long last, this is what it's come to! A rubbery, sticky bit of something, giving rise to tumors where ever it touches, but would any less be wanted? No, it is enough that I speak to no one, a curious state of affairs indeed.
But I'm warning you- don't do it again.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Why Are We Waiting?

Whilst we sit in a fog, we are betrayed from afar! Why Are We Waiting? Look at any map or Globe. There be Canada, sitting oppressively and smugly atop the US! Can we tolerate this? No, No, a thousand million times No! And Mexico! Need I say more? No, I needn't. Can we sit snug like a bug in a rug whilst these thugs trickle down and bubble up to starve and carve these here United States into second prize statice. Canada must be destroyed! Mexico must be destroyed! Europe is the abcess from whence all that is corrupt oozes and schmoozes, home of lingering odors and fancy boozes. Europe must be destroyed!
On the back lots of California TV studios an irreplaceable, implacable, impracticable heritage goes to wrack and ruin, bruins screaming at the scrim, vim and vigor, piss and vinegar. All is contained all encapsulated all there. Leave it to Lucy, Ozzie and Beaver, Harriet the Troll, Harpers and Card Sharpers and Fins. How thin can molded plastic be? It's the odor, the odor, like an electric motor. No, it's the lead. Get the lead out! There is a holy template, a smooth dream of Jeanie, smoothies and pasties and groovething.
But the answer is: attack! After all, do we really need color? Didn't black'nwhite do the job? Well didn't it?
You know what I'm talkin about: a smooth suburban slightly upper middle class scene

Sunday, October 03, 2004

An Equitable Draft

A draft must be implemented as soon as possible. That is, of course, clear to all. But the mechanics of the draft must be changed to keep up with changing times, and the new threats we face. My proposal will be much more equitable, and make for a more effective fighting force, than the current hodge-podge of unfair conscription regulations. These are my proposals:

  • The age of conscription should be lowered to between 16 and 13, depending on the economic status of the conscriptee. Factors such as family income, number of children, and marital status of parents will determine age of conscription. In this way single parent families and low income families can be relieved of child care burdens. Inductees will become the property of the officers in command of their units.
  • Term of service should be at least 15 years, preferably 25. This will aid retention. To simplify record-keeping, and improve security, no communication between draftees and civilians will be permitted.
  • In keeping with American values of fairness, a yearly buy-out provision will be in effect. The buy-out fee will begin at $15,000 per child. The buy-out fee will be submitted with federal taxes.
  • Males and females will be drafted in equal numbers. After completion of basic training, each male soldier will be assigned a female recruit for purposes of military procreation. In this way, the draft will yield double or triple benefits.
  • All pensions, benefits, awards, and promotions will be abolished. Equality must prevail.
  • When necessary conscription will be augmented by curfew sweeps.

It is time for an equitable conscription to be established. However, it can not be stressed enough that conscription can only be justified by a commitment to constant warfare. The Holy United States will finally have the military manpower to attack the enemy at our borders, the Communist Consortium of Canada and Mexico. The depredations of these this evil empires will not be tolerated any longer! I suggest that Conscription begin as soon a a Holy Presidential Decree can be issued. This will be a stitch in time, save nine, make us healthy, wealthy and wise, and in sooth speak truth to power. We must not cower, thicken sauces with flour, don't be so dour, this is our hour! The salvation of this Glorious Union lies in Dictitorial and Arbitrary Decrees, Doe Rei Mei! My Mama done tol' me, she done me wrong, lost in the milling throng, wrapped in a sarong, terror in a bhong, Jose can you see? Let's call the whole thing off.