Thursday, September 30, 2004

A Warning

To tell the truth, the unvarnished, though somewhat stained truth, I have never been a close follower of politics. And in addition I have been just about Luddite about computers. (And I'm no Likudnik either, but that's another story) Frankly, I'd rather look at a tree in a breeze, a wave on the ocean, a campfire, than a computer screen. I can't seem to get any more interested in computers than I can in a toaster-oven. Well, last year I broke with my longstanding (and as it turns out, wise) attitudes and began doing two very foolish things. I began to read extensively on the internet, and followed the progress of the election, starting with the primaries.
Okay, wait let me recollect- no,the reading and internet perusing started with the run-up to the Iraq war, so it has been about 18 months. I learned an awful lot during this time, most of it very disheartening or outright terrifying.
About a month ago I began noticing the signs, and last week the diagnosis was unmistakable- I've had a nervous breakdown. It's not fun. And it's not going away. So there it is- make of it what you will. I have a bad feeling things will get worse, ending with suicide. I curse, I rue, rue la la, Rue Lalenska (shit, there I go- don't hate me because I'm beautiful) I curse the day I first looked at this thing, it'll be the depth of me. Maybe I'm just too shallow. Or maybe Syosset is the next town down the L.I.R.R from Huntington's Korea, nope, this gland is your gland.
Roll on, Columbian! I would take up pot-smoking again, but I'm much too paranoid, and I tend to over-eat badly. (like I even knew where to get any pot)
What a drag it is getting old !


Blogger Scorpio said...

Before you kill yourself, consider taking drugs.

Antidepressants are great things. Depression is often adult-onset -- often it waits until quite late. So definitely try drugs.

September 30, 2004 at 4:23 PM  

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