Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Osama Ben Ladden is Still Out There !

"Osama’s still out there somewhere plotting God only knows what" a poster writes.
I wonder if you are aware of the facts about Osama Ben Ladden? Let me inform you:Age: OBL is at least 104 years old, he has the amazing power of only aging 1 year for every three he lives.Physical: Over 9 feet tall, but able to shrink to under 3 feet when he wants to.Mental: OBL has the power to look into your thoughts and bend anyone to his will just by force of will. He will, won't he?Other powers: Able to teleport, he can be in two places at once, when he's not anyplace at all. He only came to say he must be going, going, gone. Has an IQ of 386, speaks 14 languages, can assume any race or gender, fix a fender, go on a bender, make gourmet meals in a blender, he's a big spender, the original dead ender, returns to sender, he's neither borrower nor lender, he's legal tender. He put the Benzidrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine.He's the cream in your coffee, he's the salt in your stew. Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, ABLE TO LEAP TALL BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Osama Ben Ladden is more powerful, more evil, more determined to bury us, has more weapons, a larger Army, Navy and Air Force, and commands a larger land mass than the USSR at the height of its powers. He has only one weakness: he has NO stain-fighting power, nor freshening power. Not springtime fresh. Not mountain fresh. Not minty fresh. Not summer fresh. And most definitely not lemon fresh. On that basis, he may be defeated.
200 years from now, our great,great,grandchildren will still be fighting Osama Ben Ladden. And he will still be plotting, plotting... He begs, borrows, and steals, always stiching in time. Riding a horse of a different color, he knows all, seea all, saws all.
Is there any atrocity which cannot be laid at his doorstep, like a flaming bag of dog-poop? And the children, in all their innocence, walking or riding their little bikes past his house, watching atrocities getting laid at his doorstep- what will we tell them? Oh, he has a black heart, a simple green, lemon yellow, orange orange.He got the blues mos' every night. Hurray for the red, white and blue! (for the duck may be somebody's Mother)

Some day, we'll all be very embarrassed we let one man with a bad kidney terrify us.

4 Comments:

Blogger josh narins said...

I think the one-eyed Mullah Omar and the one-legged Abu Musab al-Zarqawi are much, much scarier.

Get with it, dude, OBL isn't that important. I heard Bush say so himself. You gotta listen with both your ears, not just the one you have left.

October 4, 2004 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Mooser said...

Mr. "Josh" Narins please check with both your doctor and your local representative. I think you will be peasantly surprised to find the name "josh" has been taken, and is no longer available for use. And a tip: If this is so, you will gain significant tax advantages. There may be marital and social advantages to be accrued by regularising your moniker in accordance with the Moniker Register. Al though I am not completely fimiliar with the regulations in all 73 states, I would be surprised if it were not so. Not so long as I can do anything about it, Goddarnit!

October 5, 2004 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger josh narins said...

My namen ees gooten.

My first namen is commonman.
My second namen is madeup by man.

A long, long time ago, from Swedenland, the foot-soldieries of Good King Wenceslaus "Charlie Dozen" went off away, to play football and foosball against Piotr the Debater.
Piotr captured and kept all the Snowmen, except a few who escaped with Chuckie Dozen to live in a giant bird (it's true!)
He took the Snowmen and sent them to work in the mines of the Ukraine, where many melted, and forgot their native language, and they chagned their names like socks.
Narin became Narinsky.
And then, later, they came to Ameeeerica!(Patriotic Songs Now) and they said I want my name to sound more like Ameeeerica!(Patriotic Songs Again) and they said "choppen offen zie lubricant" and now it is simply Narins.
There are no other Josh Narins on zee Earth, except one, and he lived ten blocks away, until I dissapeared.
With my p.

October 7, 2004 at 6:51 AM  
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May 23, 2016 at 10:49 PM  

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