Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Extreme Weather Warning!

I would like to warn all my readers in the New Orleans, Louisiana and Mississippi area that a large hurricane, Katrina, is on the way and may make landfall as a Category 4-5 storm with catastrophic results. Keep tuned to weather broadcasts to inform yourselves of any possible danger.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Katrina, Katrina, Where Ya Been so Long Tom!

There's life among the wreckage! For the calm after the storm Go read Tom Friedmans blast of hot air! Written in his wonderful "Praising Bush With Faint Damns" style, it's Tom at his hilarious best. If you're not registered, here's some of the fun:

"On the day after 9/11, I was in Jerusalem and was interviewed by Israeli TV. The reporter asked me, "Do you think the Bush administration is up to responding to this attack?" As best I can recall, I answered: "Absolutely. One thing I can assure you about these guys is that they know how to pull the trigger."

It's just too bad they didn't look to see which way the gun was aiming! And of course, Tom's still proud of helping pull that trigger. Creative destruction and all.
I'll bet he never thought Islamic Zionism would be so easy!

But there's comfort for the victims of Katrina, too. So they know they didn't die in vain, that they, yes, died for a "noble cause":

"Well, the party is over. If Mr. Bush learns the lessons of Katrina, he has a chance to replace his 9/11 mandate with something new and relevant. If that happens, Katrina will have destroyed New Orleans, but helped to restore America."

Granma's carcase may be an "alligator MRE" as Steve Gilliard says but it's all good if Bush gets a bump in the polls! And Gee, Mr Friedman, what could that "something new and relevant" be? "Something" close to martial law in a third world country. Considering what the survivors of the hurricane have to wade through, we could just call it a "turd world country" At least we'll have Mr Friedman around to polish that turd, as long as it's Bush who's shitting on us.

Here's some of that "Praising with faint damns" I mentioned:

"Well, if 9/11 is one bookend of the Bush administration, Katrina may be the other. If 9/11 put the wind at President Bush's back, Katrina's put the wind in his face. If the Bush-Cheney team seemed to be the right guys to deal with Osama, they seem exactly the wrong guys to deal with Katrina

Uh, Tom, they didn't get Osama either, he's gone with the wind. But we can pretend they were the "right guys", can't we Tom?

Along the way he explains why your taxes should be raised cause of Katrina, but not his, and leaves us with one more of those P. W. F. Damns.'s he loves:

"If Mr. Bush goes back to his politics as usual, he'll be thwarted at every turn. Katrina will have destroyed a city and a presidency."

Damn. And he was doing so well before Katrina, pulling those triggers and being the right guys to deal with Osama and all.

Go read the whole thing, if your blood pressure is as low as Katrina's barometer, otherwise you might get a severe tropical depression. But I wish Tom would dry up and blow away!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Its Kool, Like schul, it's a Tool it's...


This is one of the funniest sites I have ever seen on the Web. It seems to be a site for Jews who think they're white. Oh Yeah, I'm gonna be spending a lot of time there. Can't get enough of that funky stuff, especially when it's Glat Kosher!

Something to Cheer You Up!

Here's a look at"> the future of the US

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hurricane CINDY!!!!!!!!

In a stunning development which only proves how extensive is the terrorist plot to destroy America , the NOAA is refusing to name the Category 5 hurricane now bearing down on New Orleans by its appropriate appellation, that is, Hurricane Cindy!
Instead, in a spirit of petty retribution they are calling it "Katrina". Thus is a competent, if not Gold Medal, figure skater given her desserts. Give the guy with the bad breath desserts, but give this disaster the moniker it merits!
Let's not abstain from subjecting this abominable atmospheric aberration to the analysis it is so abundantly amenable to. With all the alacrity, yes the very celerity a celebrity among near-apocalyptic abrogations of something or other that begins with "A" should be allocated. Got that?
To begin with, the proximate cause of the storm is the disturbances to the ether due to the treacherous presence of "Camp Cindy" in Crawford, Texas. People in an advanced state of respiration, accompanied by frequent perspiration, results in precipitation and if food spoils in the heat, regurgitation. I mean, dang it, there's a regular Sturm und drang being dragged out, and with a little elision and some imprecision gives you a "danged storm". That much is obvious to the oblivious.
But what is the result? Apart from the slight damage to property and the coiffures of newscasters, it is an established fact a category 5 hurricane is powerful enough to remove the magnetic "support the troops" ribbons from SUVs!
Now we gaze into the abyss of aberrance which, without abeyance, affronts and afears us!
Without those yellow ribbons, the entire effort of our brave centurions may very well collapse! And when we are so close to a complete victory! I mean, can you believe it?
But by the grace of a loving and generous God, whose providence supplies a something for every something-or-other, there is a solution!
Yup, go out to your Explorer, Excursion, Suburban, Durango, Escalade, what-have-you, you old have-mores, you, mix part A and part B in the proper ratio, and adhere those precious little ribbons to your bodywork in a way which is Cindy-proof! That'll show 'em!
And just think, years from now, when the Iraq war is recognized as the foundation of all our future greatness, you will have proud proof of your perennial prescience, a little piece of history, permanently affixed to the symbol of American can-do know-how you'll show them!
And as far as those phony evacuation orders, well, you know what they're worth! Nope, you'll be staying the course!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Nekkid Pitchers, and a Frank Confession.

Stop me before I...

I was ready to get all snickerty-snarky about "sex-addiction", but when one's domocile is built of sodium silicates...Oh well.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

If You Haven't Done Anything Wrong...Part 2

Russ Baker, a famous columnist, has been pulled into interrogation rooms at airports twice.Or as he puts it , "Sheikh Ras al-Bakr"
And you know what? I'll bet he is commiting a crime by telling us about it!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Today's Household Hint

Here's a helpful hint that may come in handy when you are redecorating:

To remove charts of terrorist connections glued to office walls, use a steam iron. But before you get the oron hot, take a picture of the chart incase it gets ruined. Now, very gently steam the chart, starting at one corner and working down from the top. As the glue softens, gently peel the chart away from the wall. With any luck, and some patience, you should be able to remove the entire chart from the wall in one piece. You'll probably find that the chart is glued at the corners, with a few drops of glue in the center. Good Luck!